Excerpt from "The 30day man"
Talking to himself he walks into the room. Everybody sees him but he doesn't know. He is so captured in his own world, he thinks he is invisible, that everyone and everything in his way are props to his reality. There is a sound , a muffled voice comes over the loud speakers. He looks up , annoyed, it has broken his thought. He looks around,confused. He looks at his watch, turns to scan the room. He is looking for someone or something. Again he turns and heads toward the door. He seems annoyed.
The door swing open almost hits him. Three children around the age of five come barreling in. They dispense each way. One runs straight into his legs and is frozen. The child slowly looks up at this huge scary disheveled man.
A woman crashes through the door. Frantic, her hair - a mess, in one arm a large bag. You know the kind, the one that looks like a duffel bag with handles. It can hold everything you own and by the bulging ,overflowing appearance of said bag it seems as she has filled it with everything she owns and then some.
In her other arm a pocket book not as big but noticeably disproportional. In her hand a coffee cup , in her ear a phone of which in the midst of all this chaos has not had a moment of rest,as she tell some invisible party how she is stuck with her sisters kids, and proclaims she has better things to do and can you believe it he is standing her up!
The man looks at the child with no facial impression, which scares the shit out of the kid. The lady notices what is about to occur and excuses herself to the unknown person on the phone. As she puts her phone away she swoops her arm to grab the little boys hand all in one motion. But its too late. The child's mouth has started to twinge down into a sadness position and now his lips are tightening and opening to the cry position. His voice is starting to build momentum, the eyes are swelling.
The man looks up bewildered and turns towards the woman , now changing his face to anger.
Whaaaa !!! Its too late, hell is now unleashed. The woman swoops the kid and in an attempt to defend the child and deflect her lack of responsibility , her messy hair, her lost dinner plans , no job and an array of other problems that have been bubbling in her head. She looks at the man and says. " He is only a child !Why did you have scare him."
Stilled dazed by the sudden interruption in his world, he tries to talk but can't find the words that would tell this woman exactly what he's thinking.
The rest of the gang has now circled the incident. One holding a book with a stuffed animal , the other pulling his pants up and wiping his face with the other hand. They all check the crying kid and then fix their eyes on the enemy.
Uncertain on what to say and so as not to be too crude in front of these miniature blitzkrieg soldiers, he apologizes and extends a peace offering to the child. A key chain that lights up when you press the red button. Curious and content with this gesture,the child immediately stops crying. Not being a foolish man he turns and bends down toward his two other nemesis and offers them the same with different colors to choose from. The child is dropped from the woman's arm and he takes off flashing his light and looking for the next strategic point of attack. The man comes up and as a gesture of conciliation, hands the woman a key chain of her own. He presses the red button. She smiles. He smiles.
Tough day, he asks.
Yes, are you ok ? She says.
Im fine.
Thank you that was very nice.
He replies, Well one more kid and they would have gotten a bottle opener in the shape of a hula girl. Probably not as popular.
She laughs, My name is Mary.
I'm Charlie.
Are they yours ?
No, oh oh no. Unemployed,she says and nods her head as to apologize and seek empathy.
Oh your babysitting.
Well not for money. They are my sisters kids. Everyone has figured since I'm not working I have all the time in the world to run their errand s and watch their kids.
Oh. Hows that going?
Its 11 oclock . Ive been in three stores , lost the kids twice and if I hear one more " Can I have this" I think I'm going to leave them. Don't get me wrong, I love the kids . They were just s o -much- cuter when I visited them and had a scheduled escape. I really don' t know how or even why people do this. She waves in the direction of the terror.
Charlies looks and says, "I guess you have to be into cute and saying ahhh all the time"
Well I think Sue , that s my sister, is doing this to get even with me for still being a size one.
Its not my fault she let herself go . She says it the kids. But give me a break , I read the star. Those actresses snap back in a month. Look at Jolie and Madonna they have like a dozen kids each. Lazy that what I think,
I think those kids were adopted.
I know. She smirks.
Women spend all their early lives looking great. Starving themselves to fit in the right pair of jeans, squeezing their feet in the 4 inch f me pumps. (Pauses) Sorry.
Its okay,( giggles.)
You know high heals were created by a man because he wanted to see the long legs and tight derriers. What is it with men and asses? I mean why do men turn and look when we pass by? It s oppressive. I think that woman are the true minorities, slaves in this chauvinist world. And why? you ask do we do all this ! Its so that we can find some man a mate to fall in love with us . Not by how we are but how he dreams we should be. And then when we have him , we tie him up with all the public confirmation so they cant back out . You know wedding invitations, wedding showers, lots of money spent, special dinners,add some great sex.( of which he will probably not get after 2- 3 years from the nuptials. ) and when he is good and dumb, we have kids in the pretext of love . But child rearing is our secret weapon . We use having a child as our emancipation, our freedom, our excuse to be ourselves, to let our bodies sag as they will. Anyway lazy that is what I say .
In my sisters case her frustration and jealousy is understood. At least I understand , I tolerate it. I mean she has to wake up to those creatures clawing and pulling at her every day and her only thought must be "freedom and sagging boobs it s not worth it. And of course since she must stay "happy" and" ready " for the kids and hubby she seeks an enemy,one that she can tear down slowly and share her misery with , and that's me. And her husband of course.
Who let- me- tell you, is one poor sap. He still doesn't know what hit him. Every time he starts to wake up to the fact that his life is ruined she makes with some touchy touchy feely feely in the middle of some public place. And since he is a guy, and your all the same!, He gets stupid.He says hey this is good, its easy and it feels good. I get to cum and I get dumb, How does that work?
Your lions , strong, lazy and stupid. If you can fuck, eat and lay around your happy. In return you bring home some money, change the scenery once in a while in the den and accept that the girl you found, the one with the tight ass, perky tits , luscious lips ,painted face ,snug jeans and high heals was just a mirage. I think that is why porn is so popular. I mean, I know we just met but let me share my theory with you. (I feel like I can confide in you ) When you look at a girlie magazine and see the hot girl and you.... well, you know . When- your alone. You pretend that's who your with , right?
Perplexed by the candor and the explosion of thoughts and tantalized by the thought that this
total stranger, with the messy hair , snug jeans ,low cut sweater and tight derriere is talking
dirty to him, even though its a bit philosophical and clinical, Charlie nods his head up and down
and is intrigued and anticipates her next words.
Well let me ask you this. See my theory is that when men have sex with their changed prima donna. they have a secret recall hormone in their brain that is activated at the precise moment and that this hormone beautifies and improves proportionally their partner to so as to say they make love with their original mirage or..... the girl on page 308 the one with the wild hair, sexy face ,size d chest that can bend like a Gumby doll.
I mean lets be honest, after all when you climax does it really matters who is there.
The children come crashing in again. " Can I have this?" Oh no here we go again. Thanks for the talk. I think ill be here all week maybe we will see each other again. Stevie put that down.
So long.
He stands their with that same blank gaze he walked in with,Dumb blind and stupid, " I think I just fell in love. "
MCV
Excerpts from The 30 Day Man
