Fall

I woke this morning to find myself thirty pounds heavier, thirty years older,        with a distant  and fading past, 

 a preposterous present                   

and cursed with an infidel future.

Fall had met the Long Island sky. 

Trees rage the heavens with the beauty of their bursting foliage.
Every color of the autumn palette,

golden yellow and forever greens, twinkle like diamonds  dancing in the cold sunlight.

Heather browns and purple reds, fire and light scream that they were here before the inevitable forever winter's night.

The wind whispers it's autumn song  gently kissing the north shores glistening tides. On the water a mirrored reflection of white cotton puffed clouds paint our vision north,south,east and west. 

Beauty disguises the bitter glory, the ending truth, simultaneously reminding  us once we lived in eternal youth.

These Days

These Days
Where do I begin? 
One has so many wonders,so many questions, so many cares.

Darkness is colored in a darker hue.

Daylight is dimmed by your missing shadow.

Every door opened is a reminder that your steps will not follow,

that your words will not break the inexplicable, distilled, lingering air.

Where do I begin if all my days are trembled with passing thoughts of you.
The lyrics we sung are now unstrung words with no cadence,no meaning, no song.
The melody that was you is gone.

Where do I begin if the words I share are left drifting  in the wind, 

a soliloquy is not meant for one.

Where do I begin
if you are not here to answer,
where do I begin?

Nights That Never End

Its  320 in the morning;  I  wake up with the brightest  light shining through my window.  I  step outside to find the garden showered in moonlight  and shadows dancing  in and  out of hidden sites. I think of you  and find myself longing  to lose myself in  your embrace and soft long kisses  Your perfume still lingers and I am lost  again in  dreams of nights  that never end.

MOONLIGHT EMBRACE

Moonlight Embrace

Bathed in the moonlight, 

sung to by the stars ,

our whispers were everything

 our hearts were as one.

                                 MCV 10/20/13

To Emily on her birthday "Forever"

Forever

Forever I will see the little girl I cradled in my arms
who stole my world and captured my heart
who held my finger in her hand and made me feel
forever I would be the only one.

Forever I will see my princess ballerina all dressed in white,
the sunflower face who took my night,
the little one who ran holding a million balloons
when she took her first flight.

Forever I will see my baby's  deep almond eyes,
china doll face, great big smile , long black hair,
pouting sad face, sitting  ... and thinking
at Grandpa's place.

Forever I will see the little girl who dressed like a princess
because it was her way. A navy blue dress with her white Sunday bonnet; it was one of her best.  Even in a t shirt , sandals , funny glasses and hat she always wore it well.

Forever I will cherish the little kisses she gave me in a box,
the warmth of her great big hugs
and a rock that says #1.

Forever I will see the little girl
who ran to me and held me  tight
who skips when she runs, who skips when she's happy,
who skips when its fun.

Forever I will  see the little girl who I cradled in my arms
who stole my world and changed my heart,
who crowned me king and made me Dad.

Forever

To Emily on her 18th birthday.

Autumn Leaves

Today I looked for you,
your words,your sound,
your eyes,your scent ,your you,
but you were not there. 

Sounds   appeared , music played
 - no matter - it was all solemn,
 all sad that rung in my deaf ear.

The sun shown bright , I'm sure,
but all I saw were shadows and shades of grey,
mysteries that ran,tears that had no way.

The days have been many, heavy and slow
disguised  as dreams and worries  of
days  that  never came
yesterdays  that never were.

I find I have forgotten how to catch the moon
and dream with stars.
Is this the beginning of the end
am I lost or just not found

No one there to ask
no one there to answer
no one there to know.

Rumors have reached my door
that you are somewhere far.
I miss my friend.

Who would have thought,
that in this life of so many
we  end  and start each day alone.
It matters not who lays with you
who wakes with you
who walks by your side.
When your eyes close
when your path strays
when you need the most
when you count your days
you are only and alone.

There are perinials that sprinkle your  days
and then there are those special few
those that  have  grown roots strong  in your way.
Hold strong . I  hope they will.

This is my trust,
that those days with those dreams 
with those friends will return  soon in some way.

A step ahead ,maybe.
Maybe when I have quit  needing them
or looking for them or screaming them away.
Or  maybe,  just maybe  when I find
that that graces the day.

But today the woods are dark and long they hover over me
not  respecting that  I am here
not knowing  who I am
not questioning  where I been
certainly not caring  where I go or where I'll end.

Today I walk alone
full of thoughts of things that don't exist
of days that did not pass, of songs I did not sing
and  Autumn leaves.

Days Like this

Its on days like this that I miss you most of all
when the world slows down and   shadows get old
when my heart feels heavy and my face grows long
when I think in whispers and live in songs
when I dream of better days and long lost roads
when I wonder when and and wish on why
Its on days like this that I wonder
do you have days  when  you miss me  most of all
when time  slows  so much that you feel yourself feel all alone and
wonder where the time has gone
when  yesterdays are so far away that you can't remember
our dreams of love and long lost days.
Its on days like this that all seems wrong
when my heart grows heavy and I walk alone
when the sun doesn't shine or warm my walk.
its on days like this.......

No matter where I am or who I m with or what I say
its days like this that I miss you .... most of all.