Autumn Leaves

Today I looked for you,
your words,your sound,
your eyes,your scent ,your you,
but you were not there. 

Sounds   appeared , music played
 - no matter - it was all solemn,
 all sad that rung in my deaf ear.

The sun shown bright , I'm sure,
but all I saw were shadows and shades of grey,
mysteries that ran,tears that had no way.

The days have been many, heavy and slow
disguised  as dreams and worries  of
days  that  never came
yesterdays  that never were.

I find I have forgotten how to catch the moon
and dream with stars.
Is this the beginning of the end
am I lost or just not found

No one there to ask
no one there to answer
no one there to know.

Rumors have reached my door
that you are somewhere far.
I miss my friend.

Who would have thought,
that in this life of so many
we  end  and start each day alone.
It matters not who lays with you
who wakes with you
who walks by your side.
When your eyes close
when your path strays
when you need the most
when you count your days
you are only and alone.

There are perinials that sprinkle your  days
and then there are those special few
those that  have  grown roots strong  in your way.
Hold strong . I  hope they will.

This is my trust,
that those days with those dreams 
with those friends will return  soon in some way.

A step ahead ,maybe.
Maybe when I have quit  needing them
or looking for them or screaming them away.
Or  maybe,  just maybe  when I find
that that graces the day.

But today the woods are dark and long they hover over me
not  respecting that  I am here
not knowing  who I am
not questioning  where I been
certainly not caring  where I go or where I'll end.

Today I walk alone
full of thoughts of things that don't exist
of days that did not pass, of songs I did not sing
and  Autumn leaves.